Healthy Relationships
Getting The Most Out Of Healthy Relationships
John Van Epp, Ph.D.,
25 January 2023
MY MISSION
JOHN VAN EPP, PH.D.
I believe that the greatest joys of life and some of our deepest sorrows often flow from our relationships. My counseling career extended over thirty years, most of it while running my private practice in northern Ohio. And without a doubt, most hurting people I counseled had some relationship struggles.
Around halfway through my years of counseling, I had a growing desire to go upstream, where people seemed to be falling into the proverbial stream of relationship problems. It seemed to me that the majority of relationship issues were caused by either the slow build of unresolved conflicts or the slow leak of neglected needs. However, both could have been either prevented or resolved much earlier to avoid the critical care conditions that walked into my office.
There are many indicators that a couple will succeed in a healthy relationship when both partners lean on each other and support each other during the easy and the difficult times as best friends, building on mutual respect and trust.
Building a Model of Success
During my doctoral studies, I developed a visual and interactive model of all relationships' five bonds. I used this Relationship Attachment Model™ (RAM, for short) in my work with clients. I found that when they could define and visualize these significant bonds or connections in their relationship, they could engage more intentionally in addressing shortcomings, setting boundaries, and feeling confident about running that relationship.
More than a dozen of my evidence-based relationship courses, beginning with How to Avoid Falling for a Jerk or Jerkette, have been built around this RAM and helped more than a million participants who have attended classes facilitated by our 35K+ certified instructors. I closed my practice in 2009 to engage in this type of preventative work full-time, although it seems like the need continues to increase!
Moving Vision To Impact
Regardless of your religious or philosophical view of life, it is undeniable that there are forces at work to disrupt and often dissolve our most precious relationships. And yet, I have found that those who have a clear plan for building healthy relationships and maintaining those relationships over the ups and downs of life can deflect and defeat those destructive forces. It is my hope and prayer, and the focus of my work, to empower more and more people to have the skills, virtues, and know-how to keep their relationships on solid ground without falling into the stream that will either bruise or, sadly, crush their relationship against the rocks.
Join Dr. Van Epp as the Opening Keynote at the 24th Annual Families and Fathers International Conference April 25th